You’re waiting for your online meeting to start. There are two of your coworkers, both English speakers, already in the room. The screen is quiet. Do you say something? What do you say? For many English learners, this moment – the small, unscripted pause before “real” conversation begins – is surprisingly stressful. But here’s the good news: nobody is born with incredible small talk abilities. It’s a skill like any other – and like any skill, it can be learned, practiced, and improved. In this post, we’ll look at what small talk actually is, why it matters more than you might think, and how you can start doing it with more confidence – starting today.
What Is Small Talk, Really?
Firstly, let’s define “small talk”. Its name often leads students to think that it is unimportant or trivial. All it is is talking about light, uncontroversial topics like the weather, a shared situation, or giving a compliment. There’s no discussion of weighty world problems, or pouring out one’s feelings. However, it has a vital social function in nearly every culture in the world. Its purpose is to establish trust between people who have just met – to show the other that you are a reasonable, friendly person who is worth meeting. Only once this trust is established can the two of you progress to deeper conversations or relationships, whether personal or professional. Indeed, there is nothing “small” at all about making small talk.
Why Small Talk Matters for English Learners
For English learners, making small talk takes on an even greater importance. Since it revolves around familiar, everyday topics, it is a great way for students to build up their confidence. Many times, it follows invisible “scripts” that make things easier for nervous learners. It also provides real-world listening practice, thus breaking away from the limited world of prerecorded listening exercises. In the business world, it is a prerequisite for doing any sort of networking. Given the fact that many students’ main reason for learning English is to get better job opportunities, learning how to make small talk may be just as important to learn as conjugating verbs. And outside of their professional lives, small talk is great for making friends! An ESL learner living in a new country can prevent the loneliness that is so common among immigrants by making small talk and building a new circle of friends.
The Best Topics for Making Small Talk in English
Now that we know why making small talk is so vital, next let’s look at some common small talk topics. The ideal topic is something that is easy to answer without much thought, generates comfort in the other person, and is delivered with a friendly smile. Some frequently-used topics include:
- The weather (“Cold enough for you?”)
- Weekend plans (“Got anything fun going on this weekend?”)
- Shared situations (“This line sure is long, huh?”)
- Shared acquaintances (“So how do you know Mel? She throws the best parties.”)
- Work or study (“How long have you worked at CrokyCorp?”)
- Food (“Have you tried the salmon toasts? They’re mind-blowing!”)
While other topics are certainly possible, care should be taken to keep the conversation comfortable for all persons involved. Anything too contentious (like politics, money, or religion) should be avoided altogether. Compliments can be employed, but with care: they should be directed at a choice the other person made, not something they are. Power dynamics should also be taken into account – a compliment from a manager to an employee will usually be riskier than one between colleagues.
Small Talk in Real Situations: Three Scenarios
Of course, when making small talk, not all situations are created equal. Certain phrases are winners in some contexts, but may fall flat in others. Let’s take a look at a few common scenarios:
Getting put into a breakout room with a fellow student: You could start with a question like “How long have you been at the academy/learning English?” When they answer, be sure to follow up with another question – it could be something like “How do you practice outside of class? I’m looking for some tips.” When your breakout session is nearly over, you can finish up with “Nice meeting you – I’m looking forward to learning together!”
Riding in an elevator with a coworker you don’t know well: In any work context, the no-fail option is referencing the day of the week: “Friday can’t come soon enough, am I right?” Then, after receiving a response, you could follow up with “Our team has been swamped with work – is it the same in your department?” Finally, once you reach your floor, a comment like “Well, this is my stop – nice talking to you!” is the perfect elegant close to the conversation.
Sharing a table at a café: Here you need to gauge if the other person is up for small talk, which you can do with a question about the menu: “Have you tried the pistachio latte? I order it every time I come here.” If the other person seems interested in chatting, you can follow up with “What’s your go-to order?” Once the conversation seems to be reaching a close, you can say “Well, I’ll let you finish your drink – I think I’ll order the same thing next time, thanks for the tip!”
If you notice, the common vein running through all three scenarios is asking a follow-up question. It keeps the conversation going, and indicates interest in the other person’s life – which, after all, is what making small talk is all about.
Tips for Making Small Talk When You’re Nervous
All of this may seem easier said than done – nearly every ESL student feels a jolt of nerves run through their body the first times they make small talk. This is totally normal, though, and can be reduced with a couple key strategies:
- Prepare topics in advance. If you know you will be going to a dinner party, think of some light, interesting topics to discuss beforehand.
- Practice in low-stakes moments. Instead of making small talk for the first time at an important work meeting, try it with someone you don’t know in a place you’ve never been. If your English skills fail you, the consequences will be minimal!
- Focus on the other person, not yourself. Asking questions takes some of the pressure off of you – just try not to make it feel like an interview.
Small talk is one of those skills that snowballs: the more you do it, the easier it gets, and the easier it gets, the more you do it. Every elevator ride, every breakout room, every shared table is a chance to practice. If you’d like to build your conversational English in a supportive, real-world environment, we’d love to help. Book a free trial lesson with Craving today and see how quickly confidence can grow – one small conversation at a time.